Puddle Jumping

Things I want to remember from Friday, June 7, 2013:

(It only took me two weeks to upload the photos. Sheesh.)

 

Calvin gleefully splashing in puddles in the driveway in his bare feet after a thunderstorm

His brothers coming up behind him and holding up their shorts as they ran through the puddles so they wouldn't get their clothes wet!

Jacob so proud of making it back up the hill on his bike (still with training wheels) without having to get off to push

Ethan swimming so proudly with his bright green puddlejumpers on


Getting caught in the rain at the swimming pool -- a nice, warm summer rain. Except for the thunder.

Calvin delighting in the water so much that when we have to leave due to inclement weather he screams "Baby pool!" over and over until he finally realizes that everyone else has to leave, too.

How kind Ethan was to the little toddler girl in the pool

Jacob being so attentive to his youngest brother Calvin when they were playing outside and how he watched out for him so he didn't go in the street

Getting frustrated and then almost immediately apologizing. I wish I hadn't yelled so much -- it was never, ever ever necessary.

Splitting two hot dogs and drinks at Costco between the four of us, with leftovers. Not to mention the free samples.

Jacob getting so excited about his history book that he read ahead to the next chapter. Also, he asked to take the math placement test that we did together the day before again (!)

Two out of three boys asleep before their Daddy even cames home from work. They slept until almost 7 the next morning.

Taking Jacob out by himself to go shopping for cards and presents for some friends' parties. His love language must be picking out gifts for others.

Ethan's creative attempts to make a fishing boat out of Legos -- complete with an oar and outboard motor.

Taking pictures on the front porch steps (before breakfast!) of the boys' Lego creations to get the best light

Discovering the new running jokes on Arrested Development season 4 with Gaines (after the boys were all in bed, of course)

And....I saved the best for last:Purchasing our neighbor's swing set for a song and setting it up in the backyard.

Summer bliss!

A New Beginning

Back in May, we discovered a haphazard nest in one of the eaves of our carport. Gaines climbed a ladder to inspect it and found a handful of eggs. Once they hatched, he began taking pictures to document the baby birds we hoped to watch grow and develop and fly away.

Then we noticed something odd -- one of these things is not like the other:

Do you see it, there in the back? One bird's a little taller, larger, with a different colored beak. An uglybird.

A cowbird, technically. He took over our nest of wrens. We're not sure what happened exactly, but we figured he hatched early and duped the parents into bringing him food. Lousy parasite.

A few weeks later, he's all that's left:

Look at that plump, smug, pompous sass of a bird, taking up the entire nest. Probably smothered the poor little wrens, eliminating his adoptive siblings and eating them out of house and home. I hope it wasn't literal. We never did see him fly away; we just noticed one day that the nest was empty.

Now, in June, the mother and father wren have returned to clean out the nest and start fresh. Thankfully, they often lay two sets of eggs in a season. They are fragile things, those incubators of life. We pray these new little ones survive to find freedom.

Much like those parent wrens, my efforts at writing over the past several years have been getting smothered. I've been paying too much attention to everyone else's words and failing to produce any lasting ones of my own. (The cowbird in my analogy is the "save" button. Hundreds of drafts that may never see the light.) Of course, I've also felt another kind of uglybird smothering me: the heavy, feathered weight of grief. It's still there, but lifted slightly. I can breathe again.

And so, this summer, I'm clearing out and starting over. (You may have noticed I christened our humble blog with a new template.) It's still the same nest, just slightly neater, with a fresh covering of twigs.

I read a post recently that encouraged me to do something, one thing, anything well. Yes, I love my children well. I may not discipline them well or teach them well or feed them well or pray for them as well or as often as I would like. I've come to realize I will never be the perfect "me" in my head that can memorize an entire chapter of Scripture, have a house full of clean floors, prepare nine servings of vegetables, read five books aloud, bake homemade sandwich bread, and put away seventeen freshly folded piles of laundry all on the same day. But I can write about the imperfect me. The one that spills and slips, yells, crashes, and yes,  even reads and sings and lets my children paint.

They are fragile things, these children and these words that incubate our life. I hope to tend them well, to post often and much, first thing, before those other birds catch my attention with their pretty feathers. Also, to keep away any uglybirds.

Here's to a new beginning.

Mother's Day 2013

They let me sleep past 7:30 am.

I woke up, strangely refreshed, to Calvin toddling into my room babbling away. He was singing something intelligible, but adorable, while holding a crayon out in front of his face like a microphone. Best alarm ever.

Ethan ran down the hall holding his handmade card -- he was so eager to show it to me he almost tripped! Plus, he wrote me an original song right there at the breakfast table:

 Jacob couldn't wait until I made it to the kitchen to see the beautiful flowers he'd picked out for me -- including a hydrangea, and a huge card that just kept getting bigger...

At church, I sat in on the best Sunday school class ever, but perhaps I'm a bit biased due to my relationship with the teacher.

During the service, the older boys sang "Honor Your Parents" and "Love, Love, Love." Ethan was so excited about singing he came in a tad early, and Jacob clasped his hands over his brother's mouth to quiet him. It was all I could do not to guffaw. But one the song began they both sang so well -- last time the children performed, Ethan had a royal meltdown in the narthex and I ended up missing it completely, so this was a vast improvement.

Our lunch plans were probably my most brilliant move ever, if I do say so myself. When we walked in we heard: "Welcome to Moe's!" The place was empty! (Yes, I'm a cheap date! But we go out to eat so very rarely that I will gladly go out to a place where kids eat free and refills are unlimited. Plus, queso. Need I say more?) We laughed at those waiting in hour-long lines across the street for a fancier restaurant. Lunch was actually restful -- I didn't have to cook or clean up!

After lunch there was time for a short nap before going out for a little afternoon excursion with only one kid, which was like a vacation in itself. My goal was to get my out-of-commission iPod touch repaired. Normally, I hate the mall and avoid it like the plague, but today's trip was surprisingly pleasant. Even though I couldn't get it repaired just yet, since I want to get some data off first, I wasn't fazed. Two months without it, what's another week or two? Calvin came with me and we enjoyed people-watching together. I can't remember the last time I went window-shopping. I even tried on some dresses. It was the first time in years I think I went into a store without a particular "mission" and just enjoyed myself. And all it cost was the gas to get there -- I didn't buy anything!

We did complete one errand -- getting the oil changed in the van. How exciting, yes?! Well, let me tell you, getting to look at a People magazine for all of five minutes WAS actually pretty good. Just long enough for me to realize why I don't really care about celebrities.

Came home and helped the boys finish building THE LEGO MINE. *Hallelujah Chorus* The boys pooled all of their birthday money together so they could buy this and have been waiting patiently to be able to put it together. They have been keeping the Lego room-er, Living room clean for almost a week and this was their reward.

We ended the evening with a leisurely dinner, some long chatty family phone calls, a couple of episodes of Arrested Development, and book time before bed.

I'm almost finished reading The Little Way of Ruthie Leming. This may be my favorite book of the year so far, if only for the emotional catharsis. Reading it on this first Mother's day after losing my own mom, who was a similar light for my small hometown, was a balm. If nothing else, it made me long for Home.

Me, Mom and J-man in Geneva, October 2007

Holding Myself Accountable

We dubbed April "decluttering month" at our house. But-- I haven't been on top of things at all. I know I will not get my entire month-long task list completed in a week, but I can at least do a thorough cleaning and try to reestablish a semblance of order from all the chaos. I'm posting this here so I know that I've got others looking over my shoulder, hopefully cheering me on.

Monday (Laundry Day):

• Wash and dry at least two loads
• Put winter clothes in basement
• Fold and put away all clean laundry

 Tuesday (Bathrooms):

• Organize bathroom drawers
• Clean tub and floors
• Replace shower curtain liner 

Wednesday (Bedrooms):

• Clear off all dressers & pick up items off of floor
• Organize at least one closet
• Vacuum

 Thursday (Kitchen)

• Clean out refrigerator
• Clean outside of cabinets/appliances while boys clean the windows
• Mop floor

Friday (Living Areas)

• Remove all clutter
• Organize toys and books
• Vacuum/sweep floors

Book Review: John Newton (Bitesize Biographies)

Before reading this concise biography, I knew almost nothing about John Newton's life. I was aware, of course, that he wrote "Amazing Grace" and had a sordid past as a slave trader. The story of how God redeemed him from miscreant to minister is fascinating, and I am thankful for this brief book because it has instilled in me a desire to read about Newton in his own words. I did not realize so many of his works and letters were published during his lifetime, and I look forward to reading his Narrative and Cardiphonia,  as well as some other modern biographies recommended by the author.

What I gained from this book is the utter joy and benevolence that Newton received from his relationship with Christ. Though he barely recognized God's Providences at the time, once united with his Savior he was able to look back on his wayward young life with thanksgiving. The author does an excellent job of celebrating the graces repeatedly bestowed upon Newton, and he shares numerous examples of God orchestrating events and people to spare Newton's life and bring him into a relationship with Christ.

From the very first pages I was struck by the remarkable impact of Newton's mother on his life. Though she died when he was only seven, in her brief time with Newton she taught him to read, introduced him to Latin, and instructed him in Scripture and catechism memorization. She exposed her son to the great hymns of the day, including those by the notable Isaac Watts, which must have influenced his love of music. Though the author downplays her influence and describes it as "fading from Newton's heart" once he turns to more wicked ways, I believe her instruction was sustained through his love of books and learning and manifested later, upon his renewal, in his diligence to teach himself the original languages of Scripture.

Of particular delight to me were the snippets about Newton's home life with his wife Polly -- how they excelled in hospitality and opened their home multiple times during the week to parishioners, visiting pastors, and guests in order to share fellowship and prayer and theological discussion.

The section concerning Newton's friendship with the poet and hymn-writer William Cowper remains particularly touching. Newton displayed a true and genuine affection for this oft-troubled companion, and their devotion and partnership in the Lord are inspiring. I would hope that I could love a friend as well as Newton loved Cowper during his long bouts of depression. Their collaboration -- The Olney Hymns -- displays their immense talent and shared creative effort to convey Spiritual truths through song.

Indeed, my favorite chapter of the entire book is titled "The Songs of the Soul," which offers fresh insights into the complete original text of "Amazing Grace," as well as other famous hymns such as "Glorious Things of Thee Are Spoken" and "How Sweet the Name of Jesus Sounds."   I was introduced to the latter two hymns through the popular modern movement Indelible Grace and was delighted to discover more about their origins and explanations.

The final chapter summarized the main themes of Newton's prolific correspondence and was of particular interest to me as one who struggles against fast and easy electronic communication. One of the archaic definitions of the word "prolific" means to cause abundant growth, generation, or reproduction, and this would certainly be true of Newton's letter-writing ministry. Through his communication with noblemen, other clergymen and laypeople, Newton often shared glorious truths of the gospel and built lasting relationships.

Overall, it was a quick introduction to the compelling life story of John Newton, but was sometimes difficult to read because of the writer's distracting style. The short bursts of information might be better served as teachable sections instead of one continuous, flowing narrative. Although I gained many great insights through reading this short work, I must admit I found the author's excessive use of exclamation points and abrupt or unclear transitions irksome. At times the author's enthusiasm and extraneous commentary only served to divert the reader from the actual story. The plot itself, though, was riveting enough to hold my attention.

Despite these minor quibbles, I found the passion and purpose of this short biography to be enthralling. I would recommend this book as a brief introduction to John Newton's life and works, with the caveat that it may entice you to further study! The discussion of his hymns and letters at the end is worth the asking price.

(Disclaimer: I received this book free from CrossFocused Reviews. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own.)

I Know Not How

Six months ago today was also a Tuesday. Partly cloudy, but with sun enough. A mild fall.



October had just begun and there was promise of a new month. "I will do better, be better." Yet I sat at that computer in the afternoon, inside, in the dark, as I do now. Typing. Writing. Browsing. Escaping.

The phone rang. Startled me out of my stupor.

It was my Dad's cell, not my Mom's. And I knew before I even answered--something was wrong. While he was talking, I started packing anyway, a frantic attempt to do something useful. To go. To drive. To get there in time. In time for what? To see her one last time? Dad would not tell me what to do.

Somehow I found myself talking with a nurse at the hospital, who wasn't much help. I kept asking questions and kept getting no answers. How long had they been doing CPR? I was a bit hysterical, admittedly. No one had confirmed yet that she was dead. No one confirmed anything.

This time, the phone was passed to another nurse, someone I knew. And so I walked outside the front door, leaving my children inside the house, so that I might breathe alone and better hear the words of my childhood friend.


My friend Kacie, someone I'd known since I was three, was working as a nurse at the hospital that day. Thank Providence for that! Her words calmed me. She kept me from jumping in the van and driving the five hours alone with the boys, and for that I am grateful.

I stood outside our house, pacing in front of the walkway. I looked at the turning trees and the patchy grass and the leaves starting to fall, but I didn't really see. I was already somewhere else.

When I finally talked to my Dad again, I knew. I looked out the window and saw the deer standing outside the window and I knew.

My mother was gone and so was I. Part of me, at least.

For six months I have been somewhere else. Like the deer. Hiding. It has been a long winter.

I feel like I've been buried, too.

Today, spring is appearing. It's another Tuesday. The second of the month, yet again. Life goes on around us, little green shoots push their way up through the ground, buds begin to burst forth, dirt thaws.

The sun is shining. And I am starting to emerge.

The trees out front still look mostly bare. The Bradfords have bloomed, but only just. The yard fills up with flowering weeds. The deer have returned.

The forsythia struggles. I hacked at it in a fit of something last fall and chopped off most of the branches. But even it, once devastated, still bursts forth.

This afternoon, we planted seeds. Wildflowers and tomatoes, cucumbers and chrysanthemums. Watermelons. The boys chose a mix --whatever was in the box from last year. We covered our gifted mint and thyme seedlings with water and soil. We pray there will be no more frost.

I poke my head out. The sun? It's still there? Yes.

Easter has come. The Kingdom with it, slowly breaking through.

Looking outside, I see the signs. The Seed sprouts and grows, I know not how. It dies and gets up again. I know not how.

I just hope and wait.

Daily we will tend and water, watching expectantly for new life. For resurrection.

I have been told that the tiniest of seeds will grow into a mustard tree so large that all the birds of the air will come rest in its branches.

I know not how, only that it will be. And I am thankful.

Book Review - Galatians For You

Galatians For You by Tim Keller, is the first installment in the God's Word For You series from The Good Book Company. Per the Series Preface, the series aims to provide expository studies of Biblical books for a broad audience in a manner that is "Bible centered, Christ glorifying, relevantly applied, and easily readable." Each volume is written with three different purposes/audiences in mind: "Read," as a guide to the contents of the book; "Feed," as a daily devotional, and "Lead," as a resource for preaching and teaching through the book. The books aren't intended to be commentaries, and the reader is not expected to have understanding of the Biblical languages or even a high level of Scriptural knowledge. Keller approaches the material verse-by-verse, providing historical context, links with other Biblical texts, insights from other theologians and scholars, and personal application (including reflection questions). There's also a Glossary of key terms, an Appendix on recent scholarship on Galatians, and a Bibliography for further study. Throughout his study of the epistle, Keller continually connects the text back to the overarching theme of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and the freedom it brings to those trust in him.

To be honest, I pity the authors who have to write subsequent volumes in the series, because Keller has set the bar pretty high. I was initially skeptical about the Read-Feed-Lead format, but the book weaves together the different purposes and audiences quite well. In less skillful hands, a book with such a wide intended audience could easily degenerate into an appeal to the lowest common denominator, but not so here. Even in writing for enquirers and new believers, it is apparent that Keller wants to encourage readers to stretch and grow in their knowledge of the text, and ultimately of the Lord who gave it. And his questions for reflection are hardly fluff, but are actually quite thoughtful and even convicting. An example picked at random: from the chapter on Galatians 2:1-10, "Both personally and as part of your church, do you tend to over-adapt or under-adapt the gospel for the culture around you?" My only caveat is that I'm not sure that Keller's book by itself is enough to handle to Lead aspect (i.e., leading a Bible Study on Galatians, or preaching through it), but there is a companion study guide that is tailored for small group study.

The book's greatest strength lies in the way that Keller clearly articulates and emphasizes the theme of the Gospel of grace throughout his treatment of the epistle. From the very start, Keller stresses the need for Christians to truly understand the grace of Christ and to never underestimate their need for it. In fact, in his second chapter he writes:  

You might think: We covered this in Chapter One of this book! And we did - but this letter, in its structure as well as its content, shows us that the gospel of grace underpins every step of the Christian life. Paul will keep coming back to it; so should we, in our lives, our prayers, our thoughts, our preaching and teaching.

Grace is not only the means of gaining the salvation achieved by Christ's death and resurrection, it is also the means of living the Christian life. In discussing everything from the error of the Judaizers, to the work of the Spirit, to the role of the Law, to the profundity of the believer being adopted as a child of God, Keller ties it all back to the complete sufficiency of Christ's work and the utter folly of trying to improve upon. As Keller memorably puts it, "you can't add to Christ without subtracting Christ. He is either all [our] value or He is without value." Furthermore, Keller does a great job of translating the situation of Galatians, which revolves around discussions of potentially unfamiliar subjects such as circumcision and food laws, into terms more accessible to a modern audience, such as the threats posed by social/racial divisions in the church or the dangers of unflinching adherence to non-essential cultural and theological distinctives. On the latter, Keller does not hesitate to sound a word of caution for his own Reformed tribe, observing that championing justification by faith alone does not always protect against relying on good doctrine as a source of salvation. In Keller's treatment, Galatians is hardly relegated to the record of religious debate from millennia past; rather, it is supremely practical and relevant to readers in our own day (and all others).          

The few quibbles I had about the book did little to detract from its overall value. As mentioned above, despite its usefulness, I'm not sure it succeeds as a one-stop shop for preaching/teaching. Individuals seeking to lead a Bible Study or preach through Galatians would be advised to use Keller's book in conjunction with other resources. One other aspect of the book that nagged at me was the way that Keller glosses over Paul's references to people being cursed/condemned. To be fair, Keller makes it clear that Paul sees the right understanding of the Gospel as a matter of eternal life and death. But when discussing "the curse" or "condemnation", Keller devotes much more time to the subjective, present experience of his audience, such as the anxiety and insecurity of the person who constantly fails to live up to whatever standard of works-righteousness they have adopted. True as that is, I don't think Keller's emphasis on the subjective aspects of deviating from the Gospel do justice to Paul's concerns. In general, I'm not a fan of "turn or burn" type preaching and teaching, but given the sharp tone and language of Paul's letter to the Galatians, I wish Keller would have focused more on the big picture of what is truly at stake when the Gospel is corrupted. Nevertheless, this omission did not significantly interfere with my enjoyment of the book.  

In summary, Galatians For You is highly recommended for anyone seeking to better understand Paul's epistle, whether as a new believer or as a lifelong student of the Scriptures. Although the book is not overly-long, Keller has packed enough insight and application between its covers to keep the thoughtful reader engaged for quite some time.

(Disclaimer: I received a free copy of the book in exchange for writing a review, though without any stipulations on its content.)

Whatcha gonna do when they come for you?

 Behold! The LEGO City police station. Our kids have been talking about this particular set for MONTHS. They have been poring over tiny pictures on the backs of other, smaller sets they received for Christmas. Running to catch glimpses of it every time we are in Target near the toy aisles. Wishing. Hoping. And now, thanks to Nana and Papa, their dreams have come true!

 And we got to spend last Sunday evening putting it together.

This kid. He poses now. Love him.

 The box was big. It came with lots of stuff. Like plates. And four sets of instructions. Four sets! I've never had anything like this in all of my childhood. My Barbie dream house with the elevator didn't have that many instructions. Or maybe it did, but I didn't have to put it together!

Nine bags. Secretly, Gaines and I were enjoying this way too much. We split up the work. The older boys each helped build the cars and Gaines and I helped work on the construction of the actual buildings.

 Jacob putting the finishing touches on a police van.

 Ethan proudly showing off a new police cruiser.

Ethan and Daddy constructing the garage with doors that slide up and down.

The police officer can ride on the ladder on top of the truck. Why?!

A glorified parking garage...but this is going somewhere, I promise!

First floor of the command center. (Hey! I built something!)

Level two.

Calvin really wanted to help, but for him that means just grabbing everything in reach. Thankfully, bedtime was fast approaching so we said good night to the littlest Redd.

Jacob discussing all the cool features and how the police are going to use them to catch the bad guys.

 Toilets!

And the third floor is done!

Ethan showing off his police officer. A red-headed Redd!

 The best thing about these city police sets is that they are made to be played with -- openings in the sides and back let you move the figures around and use the furniture and gadgets inside.

See this? They included a little Lego height chart for taking mug shots!

Here's how it all fits together --notice the large screen TV and a swivel chair on the first floor. Also, a doggie door on the back for the K-9 unit.

Gaines showing off the cool sliding jail doors.

 And ta-da! We have a completed police station!

 Adding on the helicopter Ethan received makes it a fully functioning metro crime-fighting machine!

 A close-up to show you how the bad guys escape from their cells using the toilets that secretly flip out of the wall and jump to a strategically-placed handrail. Quite useful, those.

Team Redd accomplishes their most daunting Lego mission to date. To protect and serve!

2012 Books Read -- Allison

You're telling me it's the middle of March already? I am supposed to have celebrated five and a half major holidays, four family birthdays, and I'm just now posting my 2012 book list?! I suppose I have some catching up to do.

This is, perhaps, my shortest book list of the last decade. I partially blame my tendency last year to get caught up in various forms of Angry Birds (Space! Star Wars!) as well as my evening addiction to television.  2012 also was a hard year on many fronts, but I found hope in fairy tales and fiction. And Scripture, of course. I read Philippians with my CBS group, with our church women's circle, and listened to a sermon series from our new pastor on this most joyful of Paul's letters. Last fall I also read Ephesians, my absolute favorite epistle.

As for the books on the following list, I would heartily recommend every single one. So at least when I did read, it was quality!

Traveling Mercies

Loving the Little Years

Fetching Jonas Blake

Charlotte's Web (read with kids) 

The Hobbit

The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe (read with kids)

The Total Money Makeover

Stuart Little (read with kids)

Death Comes to Pemberley

Shepherding a Child's Heart

The Charlatan's Boy

Me, Myself, and Bob: A True Story of God, Dreams, and Talking Vegetables

Sidney & Norman: A Tale of Two Pigs

A Ring of Endless Light

The Tale of Despereaux

The Yearling  

Because of Winn-Dixie

Let's Study Philippians

Book Review - Renée of France

In Renée of France, Simonetta Carr provides an informative yet engaging portrait of a lesser-known figure from the Reformation. Part of the "Bitesize Biography" series from EP Books, this brief work (~130 pages) sketches the broad contours of the life of Renée, French princess and Protestant sympathizer. The non-academic format of the series allows Renée's story to keep the casual reader's attention without getting bogged down with references and footnotes (though Carr provides an annotated bibliography for those wishing to study further). Even though Renée is not widely known to most readers, Carr argues that she is an interesting biographical subject for several reasons: first, despite her royal status, she faced many of the same issues common to all Christians, particularly the tensions arising in the turbulent years of the Reformation. Also, the fact that Renée was troubled by inconsistencies, struggles and even failings in her Christian faith makes her a character with whom most can readily identify. Finally, Renée's story is particularly significant to the history of the Reformation due to her ongoing correspondence with John Calvin: as Carr observes, this correspondence often reveals aspects of Calvin that aren't always noticed in his published works.       

Carr does a great job of capturing the reader from the very start, as the first chapter commences with Renée's expulsion from her villa and the confiscation of all written materials therein for inspection by the Inquisition -- all at the order of her husband Ercole, Duke of the Italian province of Ferrara. Not only does this opening episode create a dramatic hook, it also typifies the persistent conflict between Renée's Protestant sympathies and the ardent Catholicism of her husband and other relatives, including her son-in-law Francis, Duke of Guise, a commander of Catholic forces in the French Wars of Religion. As Carr demonstrates, Renée was a woman of greatly divided loyalties. She maintained a lengthy correspondence with Calvin, supported the Protestant movement materially, and even sheltered Huguenot refugees in her own castle. Yet to the chagrin of Reformed leaders, she also gave aid to various other preachers whose theology was far less orthodox, and often outright heretical. She remained loyal to her family, despite their staunch Catholicism, as was most evident in the case of her son-in-law: although the Duke of Guise was widely reviled by the Reformed for his anti-Protestantism, Renée grieved greatly upon his death, and continued to defend his name against detractors. Most significantly, when her husband attempted to stamp out her pro-Protestant activities, she acquiesced and resumed attending Mass and confession, at least for a time. Although she was eventually allowed greater freedoms to practice her Protestant faith, especially after her husband's death, her failure to publicly support the Reformation left her a questionable figure in the eyes of many at the time, and even to this day. Throughout the first nine chapters of the book, Carr's narrative demonstrates the many conflicting influences in Renée's life, and her often inconsistent responses to them.

The book's final chapter focuses in greater detail on her ongoing correspondence with John Calvin. As Carr observes, their nearly thirty years of written interaction provides numerous insights into Calvin's theology, as expressed in a very open and personal way. One recurring theme in Calvin's letters is the responsibility of Christian rulers to set an example for others. He absolutely abhorred the notion that any Christian could outwardly conform to Roman Catholic practices while secretly holding to Protestant doctrine; such double-mindedness was especially harmful in rulers and leaders, whose example held great sway over others. Calvin's words here are relevant not only to Christian leaders, but serve as a caution to any Christian tempted to drive a wedge between public and private appearances. Yet Calvin's correspondence with Renée also reveals a pastoral heart, as he encouraged her not to be overly dismayed about her failures and inconsistencies in faith, reminding her that sanctification is an ongoing and often slow process.  Such words find application far beyond Reformation-era France, and anyone struggling for consistency in their Christianity will be heartened by Calvin's advice.

Overall, Renée of France is an enjoyable and informative read. The book's brevity makes it a great introduction for those (like myself) who come to it knowing little or nothing about its subject, yet are interested in church history, especially of the Reformation. Additionally, the Christian reader will find Simonetta Carr's narrative of Renée's life to be not only a biography of a historical figure, but also an example - both positive and negative - for reflection in light of their own spiritual journey.

(Disclaimer: I received a free copy of the book in exchange for writing a review, though without any stipulations on its content.)

Books Read in 2012 (Gaines)

More Than Conquerors: An Interpretation of the Book of Revelation

Four Views on the Book of Revelation

Is there a Doctor in the House?: An Insider's Story and Advice on becoming a Bible Scholar

Fit Bodies, Fat Minds: Why Evangelicals Don't Think and What to Do About It

Much Obliged, Jeeves

The Christ of the Prophets

Interpreting the Psalms: An Exegetical Handbook

The Wisdom of Proverbs, Job and Ecclesiastes: An Introduction to Wisdom Literature

Exploring the Old Testament, Volume 3: A Guide to the Psalms & Wisdom Literature

Mark as Story

The Fiddler's Gun (Fin's Revolution: Book I)

The Modern Search for the Real Jesus

The New American Militarism: How Americans Are Seduced by War

Fiddler's Green (Fin's Revolution: Book II)

Most of last year's reading was limited to books for school , though I did sneak in some other non-fiction and even some fiction (including The Fiddler's Gun and Fiddler's Green by A.S. "Pete" Peterson -- great reads, and I wish I had read them sooner!). I'm striving to make sure the list for 2013 is not only longer, but also has more variety.

Please, tell me a story.

My kids say this to me all the time. "Mom, please, tell us a story."

And I usually make up something silly, half-based on a book or fairy tale or movie I think they might not know as well. But sometimes, some rare nights, I tell a truth. An anecdote from my own life, or something we've done together, or a piece of history. And those are the best.

And I'm just now figuring out why.

We've been back home five days and I still struggle when people ask me, "So, how was your Thanksgiving?" If I just say it was fine, I'm lying. If I say it wasn't great, people might think I'm disparaging my time with my family. I usually say something along the lines of: "It was okay, it was hard, but good to be with family." Something generic.

But my life these days is anything but generic. I'm raising three boys. I'm usually bursting at the seams with ideas for blog posts -- crazy things my kids have done, brilliant thoughts I have while scrubbing the bathroom, ideas for novels. So many things I never take the time to catalog. But mostly, in the midst of the everyday, I want to write about my mom. And I want details.

I am starting to understand why I felt empty, even in the midst of many people, over the long Thanksgiving weekend. I finally sat down and read this article, given to me by my mom's younger sister, the one who shares her birthday. The line that choked me up was this:

I've learned, now, how to talk to someone who is grieving. My first lesson came in the hospital, when the nurses, who were aware my mother was slipping away, asked my father, "How did you meet?" which gave him the pleasure of recollecting and sharing that moment when their eyes locked over a campfire in college.When someone is gone, we are hungry to talk about them, to conjure them from memories, to linger long enough to recall vivid moments.

Though I had filled my belly full of good food, and felt satiated with family and fellowship and some rest, and had made little mentions here and there about my mom over the course of the Thanksgiving weekend, it was not what I needed. I needed real story. I needed space to "recall vivid moments" and I wanted to hear them from those who knew her best.


When my dad and I visited my mom's grave together after the funeral, I remember asking him what his favorite date they had been on together. Until that day, I don't think I had ever before heard about his laundry-delivery route and how they got to know each other in conversations in the car as he hauled dirty frat-boy clothes from the fraternity houses to the cleaners. And on the night of her funeral, he told a wonderful story about how she took him riding on the farm when they were dating and she gave him the wildest horse they had, almost as if to test him. And he tamed it!

Those are the kind of tales I need to hear. They are bits and pieces of her tapestry, and I'd like to know them better.


So, if you see me, and you knew my mother, please, tell me a story.

And if you didn't know her, just ask. I'm sure I can think of something.

concert, just us girls, circa 2006

The Practice of Public Gratefulness

During the month of November I posted one thing each day for which I am thankful on Facebook. All the cool kids were doing it, and so originally I shunned it. However, on November 2, the one-month anniversary of my mother's death, I realized I would need it more than ever this year. The trivial and the Truth. So I'm copying them here to find them easily later. And so I can add them to my list.

• Day 1: I'm thankful for the 32 years, 3 months, and 15 days I had with my mom.
• Day 2: I'm thankful for the nice man outside of Costco who helped us to our van when I accidentally ran over Jacob's foot with the loaded shopping cart in the middle of the parking lot.
• Day 3 - Thankful for my children and their active imaginations - playing pirates, battling sea monsters, making friends with a dragon & creating "desks" using puzzles and Duplo blocks.
• Day 4: The body of Christ who has embraced, comforted, fed (literally & figuratively) and exhorted us, especially this last month. I appreciate our communion. We are so grateful.
• Day 5: Thankful for my husband, Gaines, who celebrates his birthday today. He is wise, patient, understanding, funny, encouraging, an excellent teacher, a diligent student, a faithful provider, a loving husband and great father and role model to our three boys. Oh, and he also has exceptional taste in music and can play a mean guitar. ;)
• Day 6: Grateful for umbrellas, hot chocolate, warm socks, doughnuts, a car heater that works, and polling places-- including all the people that volunteer their time to work there and those who voted, like me, even in the rain.
• Days 7- 8: Thankful for my hometown, a good home-cooked meal, wide open spaces and giant trees, and stillness and stars in the early morning before the sun.
• Day 9: Thankful for my family. I miss my mom today, but am grateful for my husband, boys, father, and extended relatives, with whom we can still celebrate and be joy-full.
• Day 10: College football. Particularly when it goes your way, but even when it doesn't, I'm still thankful I've grown up enjoying such a crazy, unpredictable, memorable, fantastic sport. Go Jackets! War Eagle! Yeah!
• Day 11: Sunday afternoon naps. Just woke up from a nap on the sofa with two of my three sick boys sleeping with me. Yay for rest.
• Day 12: Thankful for freezer bounty (fried rice, Trader Joe's mandarin chicken) so we can have warm, yummy "take-out" at home tonight -- in a flash!
• Day 13: Thankful for an awesome neighbor/friend who helped me tackle some big projects today! My hallway is box free! My van is clean! Yahoo!
• Day 14: I'm thankful for thankfulness. Seriously. Because it helps me to always remember my Benefactor, that everything I have, has been given to me. May I never be ungrateful
• Day 15: We are blessed with healthy kids. Sure, they get sick like everyone else, but there are many parents I know dealing with all sorts of much more serious issues. Praying for them tonight!
• Day 16: Thankful I have a reliable vehicle that has room for extra passengers. Once we had two kids the Honda Civic wasn't much for offering rides. Now, even with three, I still can help others. I never before thought I'd be so grateful for a minivan!
• Day 17:I heart good Southern BBQ and friends to share it with! Thankful for Slope's in Sandy Springs and in Roswell, who have always been welcoming, even when we bring in a horde of kids!
• Day 18: For the delight my 5-year-old has in shopping and packing boxes for Operation Christmas Child. If he could, I think he would've given a trunk full instead of a shoebox!
• Day 19: Just...thankful. For a friend who walks three miles to my house just to say hello to the boys. For going to the grocery store at just the right time to run into someone we helped a few weeks back. For a toddler's looooooong afternoon nap. For all this...for grace.
• Day 20: Extremely thankful for Jessica Renee Vaughan who spent four hours with me cleaning out our office yesterday. We're halfway there! If you need a professional organizer, I can get you in touch with her -- she's awesome! Also thankful for my friend Melisa, who let both Jacob and Ethan play at her house the entire day so we could work! (And for her kids for being so welcoming!)
• Day 21: I am thankful that there is grace for me, and that my kids forgive me when I lose my cool in front of them. Many, many, many times over.
• Day 22: Thankful for double gatherings of family today. And for fireworks. Now that's the American way to celebrate all the Chinese have given us! ;-)
• Day 23: Nothing runs like a Deere. Thankful for a very generous great-uncle who has made all three of my boys extremely happy today.
• Day 24: Thankful for polished toes and time with my sister-in-law.
• Day 25: For family cookouts and cousins playing together and a cancer-survivor's birthday to celebrate. Happy birthday, Papa
• Day 26: For my cousin, Mitch. In January, on the 4th anniversary of his hunting accident, he is organizing a hunting outing for those who, like him, must use a wheelchair. I am thankful for his generosity, his courage, his fortitude, and his hope
• Day 27: Thank you, Aunt Rheata, for coming to Atlanta to babysit the boys while we went to the concert! The boys had a blast and I hope you did, too! We love you, Rhe Rhe!
• Day 28: For stringing cranberries & popcorn on dental floss in the company of friends--for trying something new to me that's a very old holiday tradition.
• Day 29: Grateful I had a quiet early morning with Jacob to work on our Bible study together.
•  Day 30: Thankful that I have hoarded craft supplies for the last 20+ years. I think we can complete all 25 crafts from the Truth in the Tinsel Advent book without actually buying anything!

Book Review - Christ and the Desert Tabernacle

The Introduction to J.V. Fesko's Christ and the Desert Tabernacle immediately resonated with me, as he described an all-too-familiar phenomenon: the attempt to read through the Bible in a year. More specifically, I resonated with how jarring it can be to transition from the narrative of Genesis and Exodus into the detailed, often tedious instructions for building the tabernacle. For many Christians, these chapters are alien and seemingly irrelevant to their faith and practice. Fesko's book is an attempt to help faithful readers see the significance of these chapters, not only for God's Old Testament people, but also for believers today. Though Fesko is a professor of theology at Westminster Seminary, California, he has written a very accessible book. As one blurb on the back cover states, "while the book is geared toward the average layperson, it is not simplistic, but profound." Having its origins in a sermon series on Exodus, the book conveys Fesko's pastoral concerns for Christians to understand and appreciate how the entire Bible works together to proclaim the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

The format of the book is pretty straight-forward: Fesko starts in Exodus 25 and works through the instructions given for the construction of the tabernacle. Each chapter focuses on a different section, such as the Building Materials, the Ark of the Covenant, the Table and Bread of the Presence, etc. For each section, Fesko begins by explaining the details given in the Exodus text, indicating the significance of particular items and possible symbolism (e.g., the requirement that a blue curtain be used to separate the most holy place from the rest of the tabernacle is meant to evoke the sky, and more specifically, the recurring motif of God's throne being in heaven). He then turns to the New Testament to interpret the tabernacle construction in light of the person and work of Christ (e.g., just as the Old Testament tabernacle represents God's presence among his people, John 1 uses that same word "tabernacle" to describe the incarnation of the Son of God, who took on flesh to dwell among his people). Finally, in each section, Fesko draws practical applications for Christian believers (e.g., the Israelites were to donate the building supplies for the tabernacle voluntarily, out of a generous heart -- their involvement in building the tabernacle was never described as repayment for God delivering them from Egypt. In the same way, Christians should respond to the grace we have received in Christ by giving generously to the building of his church, not out of obligation but from a desire to see the Gospel spread into all the world.) Having experience as both a professor and a pastor, Fesko is able to exegete the Old Testament text, interpret its theological significance in light of the New Testament, and then apply it to the Christian life in a very relevant and meaningful way.

The book is relatively short (133 pages), so it could be a quick read. But there's plenty to warrant pondering over. Each chapter strikes a good balance between content and application, and I could easily see it being used for small group Bible study, as well as devotional reading. 

Overall, Christ and the Desert Tabernacle is recommended for anyone interested in learning not only about the Old Testament tabernacle, but also about how it fits into God's overall plan of redemption through Christ. 

(Disclaimer: I received a copy of the book in exchange for writing a review. I was and am under no obligation to provide a favorable review.)

Halloween Then and Now

2011

Since we moved into our current house almost three years ago, we have celebrated Halloween according to our neighborhood's traditional parade. On the 31st, we dress the kids up, meet at a main intersection around 5pm and walk the half-mile or so down a long sloping street and down a steep hill to the pavilion at the Swim & Tennis center, where there are hot dogs to enjoy before the trick-or-treating begins. All the while we take part in people-watching and the excellent fall weather. So far, it has never rained.


As the shadows fell long on our parade route yesterday evening, I couldn't help but remember last year's Halloween. Gaines wasn't able to be with us for some reason -- he probably had a class or couldn't get off work. But my mom came up for the event. The evening shadows fell long, then, too.

2011

She was there, I remember. Jacob remembers. Ethan remembered. Last night, he remembered walking with DD "beside a large tree." (Which in our neighborhood, could be anywhere!) I vaguely remember introducing her to some neighbors. I hope I was in a good mood, but I was probably slightly annoyed at something, and took it out on her, what with my failing to procure a proper ghost costume for Jacob and settling on a white pillowcase with holes for eyes. It kept slipping off, and both he and I kept getting frustrated, so he finally just took it off. 

J 2011

 

 

 

But Ethan as Elmo was pretty cute. 

E & J 2011

E 2011

I'm not sure why Calvin didn't wear his yellow jacket costume for the parade -- only for a few photos afterward. I think here he is being a "Yellow Jacket Fan." Better last year than this year, buddy.

C 2011

I remember she didn't talk much while we walked the parade route. I remember it was cold. I remember how last year, at the end of the parade, while I went in line to get the hot dogs, my mom waited with Calvin and started talking to a neighbor I hadn't met before, a new mom, and ended up telling her the story of my preemie birth. I remember we had chili, and how it made me think of my parents' golf course and how they had started out selling chili dogs and sandwiches at lunch and now have a real restaurant upstairs. We didn't trick-or-treat long that night, only a few houses (luckily the kids weren't old enough to care!). We came home, warmed up, put them all to bed. At some point Gaines came home before bedtime, because at least I have some pictures of the boys with him.

I have been looking back at pictures from October of last year searching for something, anything with her in it from that night. Anything. All I found was this:

Oct 31, 2011

 I'm not even sure which direction the picture should go, but you get the idea. Mom relaxing with her youngest grandbaby on her lap. Discarded bee/Buzz costume on the sofa next to the tissues and a stack of children's Bibles. Seems about right. She was always reading to them. This was probably taken after the older two were in bed and we were probably watching HGTV or the Food Network.



And this year, this year was fun, yes. I was more relaxed for some reason, even though I didn't finish Ethan's robot costume until THE very last minute. (I was still adding foil tape to the box when our friends arrived and I completely forgot to cut up and add the 5 feet of dryer vent duct stuff we were planning to use for Ethan's robot arms and legs bought just for this occasion. Sigh.)

E 2012

The boys had a blast. I enjoyed myself, enjoyed seeing everyone. Still, the shadows were a little too long for me yesterday.

up the hill 2012

In between chasing down the kids on their bikes and keeping them from running into people or falling head over heels onto the pavement, I had time to reflect on the difference twelve months makes in our lives. How, at Calvin's birthday party this year, my mom told me to "take pictures of me with the boys, because I may not be here next year." And I didn't believe her.

Tomorrow will be an entire month since Mom died, and I still keep wanting to call her and tell her about all we are doing. I keep waiting for her to comment on my album on Facebook. I keep expecting her to drive up and spend the night in the basement, in the bed with the sheets that I still haven't washed since the last time she visited in August. I still keep crying over letters and photos and missed moments. I wasn't going to cry while writing this blog post, but I find myself with tears running down my face.

Last night, there were neighbors who knew about my mom, who had even met her, but who I hadn't seen in a while. They offered wonderful hugs. And there were neighbors who didn't know, and I ended up telling, who offered comforting words. One said she was surprised I was "doing so well," because when her husband's parent died he didn't leave the house for two months. In that case, I guess I'm alright. God has certainly been sustaining me, been ever-present and real in the midst of grief.

My children have been so mature beyond their years, so understanding. They know I am sad more often these days. They know I am usually sad because "DD is gone." One day last week, while riding to church in the van I was sobbing, quietly, at a letter that had arrived in the mail from one of my mom's friends. Jacob told me, "I want to give you a surprise when we get there." And he got out, ran around the van, and gave me my surprise: a giant hug. And then he looked up at me, touched my tear-streaked face and said, "Now let me wipe those tears away for you." Oh, my, I've got a sweetheart. He's going to make someone a very good husband some day.

I've realized I am now the sole keeper of the family photos. She will never organize them, like she'd always planned to do "someday." I am the only one who will send out Christmas cards. I am the thank-you note writer, the historian, the collector. Yesterday, I realized I am the only actual administrator on the Facebook page for my parents' golf course. (I probably should teach my dad how to use Facebook, but I'm not sure he ever will). I suppose I should update it. Or not. I'm still not sure exactly what to do with my days.

For now, I will write. I will write memories as they come, and I will write about things that are happening to us just as if she were there to read them. Because even if no one else reads these words, they help to ease the pain just enough for me to keep going. One day, one event, one holiday at a time. I know the shadows will not be long forever. The sun is coming.

 I know the mountains will rise high again,
 I know the letters will make words again,
 I know the winter will grow warm again.

-- Eric Peters

2012